My holiday weekend wasn't all labor intensive though, I did find time to celebrate my 46th (yikes!) birthday with family. Good grief, I'm definitely going to be the oldest "new" mother on the playground. I should start researching high schools that are near future nursing homes or retirement centers for me to make it a short walk for Chloe one day! HAH - who am I kidding, there will be no retirement in my lifetime!
In truth, I never planned to wait this late in life to start a family, life just happened that way. Building a family for me has always been a deeply ingrained desire, a dream I refused to give up on, regardless of the rocky road to get there. Perhaps the challenges in my earlier years have helped me have the fortitude to survive this extended wait.
My stomach is in knots lately with the latest bumps in the road, including a newly imposed, additional "required" donation fee by my agency (upon receiving referral). Since when is a donation "required?" Well, when an agency decides to hold a new referral ransom until this new required fee is paid, I have to wonder if our freedoms in the USA really are free. Of course I want to do what I can to help orphanages in China, the method to require this donation is unsettling.
The latest media coverage of corruption of children forcibly removed from homes due to family planning guidelines in China also worries me on multiple levels. China; their government = their laws. How will the U.S. see this latest issue though? I prefer to keep my head in the sand at the moment and protect my heart that this will not end up as another delay in the process and that the babes that are adopted out truly are orphaned and not children taken out of the arms of loving homes. It seems so sad that each step of the process, while ever so slowly inching forward, there appears to be yet another hurdle, yet another concern, to either accomplish or overcome. The underlying fact is we each need to come to terms with the concept of motherhood, China's family planning laws, and how our adopted Chinese children will process this information. What will it mean to them one day? Yet another round of unanswered questions of their past lives. Hopefully, the tender arms of loving family and supportive answers to keep looking and trying to understand a government and long-standing culture so different from our own as Americans will play a large step in our children making peace with their unknown past.
However motherhood comes to you,
it's a miracle.
~Valerie Harper
Seriously, what was I thinking? Yet another physical labor project? That's ok, "install new tile floor" will soon be checked of my "items to do before bring home a precious babe" list.
